You might not even realize it, but you have a communication style, and it’s fairly predictable. On a sliding scale, your communication style ranges from indirect to moderately direct to direct. Here’s how the same request for a dinner out might sound in each style:
“Where do you think we should go for dinner tonight?” (Indirect)
“Maybe we should consider going to Luigi’s for dinner tonight.” (moderately direct)
“I’m going to Luigi’s for dinner tonight. Are you coming?” (direct)
You’re probably thinking to yourself, “But I use all three of those styles.” And it’s true. You do. But one of the three comes more naturally to you than the others.
Here is an exercise that will elegantly demonstrate how you use your communication style. Pick up your pen and write your signature. (Go ahead—do it now.) So how did that feel? Easy? Instinctual? That is exactly how you use your communication style. It just happens. You don’t have to think too much about it.
Now, pick up your pen again, but put it in your other hand and write your signature again. That’s not so easy, is it? You might describe writing with your “other” hand as awkward, forced or slower. All of these are typical responses—and also describe how it might feel to operate outside your preferred communication style.
So, you might ask, which communication style is ideal? Is it better to be more direct (in other words, “tell”)? Or is it better to be more indirect (or “ask”)? If you’ve participated in any of TRI Corporation’s Soft Skills programs, you might already know that the answer is almost always “It depends.” As a manager, you need to learn to make a choice versus act instinctually when choosing your communication style.
Most managers automatically revert to their preferred style, or instinct, when communicating. If you are naturally a direct person, you approach most communication situations with a TELL voice. Think about a performance feedback situation. A manager with a direct communications style might say to his or her employee: “I saw you doing X wrong. Here is how to do it right. Next time, make sure you do it this way.” That’s one option. But a totally different approach is to use an ASK voice. In the ASK voice, the conversation might sound more like this: “I saw you doing X. Do you know how you are supposed to be doing it? What ideas do you have to doing it better/differently? What will you commit to doing differently and when?”
Neither way is right or wrong, per se, but different people will react differently to each voice. If there is a specific need to be forceful—when communicating a compliance or regulatory issue, for instance—then by all means go with TELL. But often, the better choice is to ASK. A great communicator learns to become adept at both voices and knows what situations are best for each. And that can take quite a bit of practice.
Don’t know your communication style? We can help you discover yours. Ask about TRI Corporation’s communication styles training program, Social Styles, and how you can use it to improve communication and relationships across your organization.
